Memorial Service May 3, 2008
Today the Memorial Service was held at Children's Hospital for all of the kids who passed away from January through June last year. We weren't sure quite what to expect, but we decided to go figuring we handled Evan's first birthday pretty well last July when we walked back in through those doors. Today was different.
We both woke up feeling pretty good about the day to come, and not too anxious about heading to CHP. Driving there was fine, parking was fine, but the walk into the hospital hit us much harder this time around. The unique smell of Children's Hospital smacked us in the face again, and knowing we were going to a service filled with people who lost their kids was starting to become a lot to handle. There were signs pointing us in the direction we were to go, so we followed them, tears streaming down our face.
We were some of the first to get there, and proudly wore our "Family of Evan William Campbell" sticker that was given to us as we walked into the auditorium. The area began to fill up quickly, and I would guess there were about 50-60 people there. The program they handed out was beautiful. It was filled with poems and writings from the families of the deceased children, including the poem Greg wrote for Evan's first birthday ("Awaiting Joy" found on Evan's birthday page). It also listed the names of all of the children that passed away in that time frame. We recognized a few names, and were heart broken to see them on there. We ran into another family that we spent much of Evan's last winter with, and we sat together. It was impossible not to cry through the entire service.
There was a screen at the front that projected pictures of our angels who have passed. Two parents who lost their children to cancer approximately 8-9 years ago spoke to us about grief and life. They were amazing. 8 and 9 years later they still LOVE to talk about their angels. They include them in the dreaded "how many kids do you have" question to this day, which seems so innocent on the surface, but is torture to us who have lost kids. I have to say I was happy to hear that. Especially with this pregnancy, it's been a question that has come up several times, and nothing in me could ever deny my son. They also talked about living for our angels. They talked about grief being our friend and not letting it consume our lives. They made a lot of sense to me, and we even laughed at one point.
A handful of members of the Pittsburgh Symphony were there playing beautiful music through the program. One of our favorite nurses from the CICU sang such a touching song. It was so nice to see her (we've seen her on Evan's birthday and at the Heart Walk...she seems to be one we run into the most!). Rose, the CICU receptionist who drove hours in the snow to Evan's viewing was also there. It's always so nice to see her too...she really takes care of the CI parents, past and present. We weren't expecting to see staff members at the service so it was a pleasant surprise.
A ceremony was held where each child's name was spoken aloud and the parents came to the front to light a candle while the symphony played. Once lit, we were handed a gift. It was a sun catcher with the following quote engraved:
"What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us." (Helen Keller)
A beautiful and appropriate gift from CHP to us.
A reception was held after the service and we sat with Rose and caught up on some things. We learned that Evan's neighbor in the CI the entire time he was there (both summer and winter) had passed away later last year. That broke my heart. That little boy spent Evan's entire life in the hospital. He was born 1 month before Evan, and when we came back to the hospital in December he was still there...never went home. When Evan passed away, he was finally ready to be discharged after 8 months in the hospital. We became very friendly with his parents and are devestated at their loss. They did get to enjoy some time at home with their son, and I know they treasure every moment as we do with Evan. We are just so sad for them.
At the reception a small table was set up with an empty chair to represent our angels. There was a white tablecloth on it representing the doctors and nurses who fought for the life of our angels. Sitting on top of the table was a single rose symbolizing our enduring love and strength of our son's will to fight. A slice of lemon on the place setting represented the bitter pain we feel from our loss. Salt sprinkled on the plate represented our countless tears. Finally, a candle represented the light of hope that lives in all of our hearts.
I can't even begin to express what this service meant for me. It was so beautiful, and for once in my life there was not one person in the room who didn't understand what we were going through. Of course I wish that no one had to go through this type of loss. But I think I gained some strength just knowing I am not alone.
We headed to the CICU to visit our old friends after the service. Again, the 6th floor has its own unique smell, and once again it "smelled" like one of our old homes. Since it was Saturday there weren't too many people there, but we did talk to Yvonne, JoAnn and Dr. Munoz. Dr. Munoz is the doctor with us in the Pediatric Cardiac Rehab brochure (http://www.chp.edu/clinical/pcrp_broch.pdf on page 4). We just stayed a few minutes and headed out.
Needless to say, the 3 very emotional hours was so well worth it. It did make us exhausted though and we took a nice long nap when we got home. We love and miss our little boy so much. His life really inspires us to keep going and make the best of our life on earth. I just wish he could be here instead of so far away.
