Well, I wish I could say the week has gotten better, but it's still pretty hard.  I was just talking to another grieving mom the other day about how all of these dates stick in your mind...I remember every appointment, every surgery, every date of significance in Evan's life.  Right now last year we were "hanging out" on the recovery floor of Children's Hospital, waiting to find out when they wanted to schedule Evan's G-Tube surgery.  He was awake and happy, flirting with all of the nurses.  He had some oxygen saturation problems at night, but the G-Tube/Nissen surgery combined with the heart catheterization he was to have was supposed to fix that.  If only things didn't get so bad...

I miss my angel.  I miss him more than I could possibly put into words.  I have still not decorated, and I doubt I will this year.  I would like to put a few special things in Evan's room for Christmas, but I have yet to manage to do that either.  I was debating on whether I would even send Christmas cards out, but after designing them on a custom website, I decided to send them out at least to close friends and immediate family.  I am just not up for sending them out to the 60 people I usually try to send them to, so the 15 or so that I managed to put together is going to be it.  I don't think that's too bad considering it is our first Christmas without Evan, and last Christmas was difficult because he was in such bad shape in the CICU.

Last night was a world-wide candle lighting ceremony for children who have gone on to heaven.  The closest one to us was an hour away, and it was a tough day so we didn't go.  But we did light our "Snow Angel" candle at home for him at 6:00 when the service was to start.

Anyway, in more "happy" news, I have started to feel Baby C wiggle around!  No real kicks yet, but that butterfly sensation...it won't be long until I start getting kicked.  If he/she takes after his/her older brother, I will be constantly kicked in the ribs having to poke my belly until Baby rolls out of the way!  I remember not being able to slouch at all when I was getting kicked in the ribs...good for my posture I guess, but very uncomfortable!

My next appointment is on friday...and then after that we wait for the ultrasound and echo that is scheduled for 2 days after Christmas.  My anxiety is rising a little bit as that date approaches.  I am just not naive anymore, but I am excited to see if Baby is a boy or a girl (and to see how many of you "won" the vote!).

Well, that's it for now.  Happy 17 month birthday to our angel.  We love you so very much!!!

Love you all.