Well here we are. 2009 has arrived, and my, how fast 2008 went! Our holidays went pretty well. There were moments of sadness and it was another year that was difficult, but our plan to travel to San Antonio was definitely a good one. We even decided to drive despite everyone we know telling us we were crazy! Cara just has too much stuff….and since we would be gone a week, I didn’t want to forget anything. And trust me, the car was loaded.
We headed out the door Dec. 23 after school ended, and we hoped to get to Florence, KY that night, but we ran into bad weather and had to stop earlier in OH. The roads were pretty icy and we watched several cars spin off the road, so we decided we would get off at the next exit and get a motel. Well, this all happened in the middle of nowhere. There was one motel at the next exit, and we were thankful they had a room open. For $45.00, we slept in a room with no phone, no tv, no garbage can; holes in both the sheets and towels; a double bed size mattress pad on a king size bed; and a dirty floor, sink and bathroom. It was gross. I wanted to just hold Cara in the air all night! Oh, and the lock on our door was basically a rubber band connected to the wall that hooked around the door knob. If you are on Facebook, you have probably seen the picture already. It was an experience, topped off by dropping the key off in a jar at the front desk! But I honestly was happy to not be on the road anymore, despite the room conditions.
Our setback didn’t prevent us from getting to our next goal of Arkansas. The Best Western there seemed like a luxury hotel after our experience the night before! We slept well and got on the road the next morning for the last leg of our trip on Christmas day. That morning I gave Cara her first Christmas hug and kiss, and I sent a million kisses up to my Evan.
We got to Jon and Alicia’s at around 8:00pm, and they had cooked (with the help of a few of their friends) a big turkey dinner which was ready when we got there. It was delicious! This was the first time Alicia go to meet her niece and the first time since May that Jon had seen the bear. We had a great time the week we were there. We mostly just took walks in the 75 degree weather and hung out playing with Cara. Greg’s parents came down a few days after we did, so it was a real family affair (except for Chris and Heather). It was a perfect holiday for us this year. I was actually kind of glad to be driving on Christmas and New Years. I thought about Evan so much, but I didn’t have to go through any fake emotions, and that helped a lot.
Since we were in TX, and Dallas was on our way home, we decided to stop at the American Heart Association HQ to see if we could find the brick that we bought for our Bubba. God was with us because we found it fairly quickly and even got to take a few pictures of it. Cara is sitting next to it in the picture above.
Anyway, I had a lot of time on the trip to think about what the last year brought us. Some good things, some not so good things. But I guess that comes in any year. Last February was Evan’s 1 year angelversary. I tried so hard to think of it as just a day, as just another day that will get me closer to him, but it was awful. We went to Trinity to visit him, and the only good thing about the whole day was Bishop Henry showing up because he knew we’d be there. Everything else was hard. It was impossible to imagine 365 days going by without seeing my son. And now that we are in 2009, we have gone the first calendar year without him. We never saw, touched, hugged, kissed or held our son in 2008. And we are exactly one month away from his 2 year angelversary. It hasn’t been much easier these last couple of months.
On May 3, 2008 a Memorial Service was held at Children’s Hospital for all parents who lost a child there from January through June of 2007. The number of children on the list was heartbreaking, but the ceremony was absolutely gorgeous. We are forever grateful to CHP for the care they gave our little boy. We could never say thank you enough to t hem for giving us 7 full months with him.
Of course on May 19, 2008, our beautiful daughter was born. Cara has brought us so much joy. She is such a different person than her big brother. The boy who went through hell never cried and took everything as it came. Cara is a wee bit (ok, a LOT more!) needy! She likes to be heard, and she likes everything her way. Our little drama queen! And we love her just as much as we love Evan, only in a different way. We can’t love them in the same way because they are just two completely different people, each unique in their own fashion. In the last 7 months, Cara has grown up so fast, and so well! She has been above the 95th percentile in weight since her first doctors visit, and at least 75-95% in height. Even today, at just shy of 8 months old, she fills out her 12 month clothes. She amazes us everyday and we are so blessed to be the parents of 2 incredible kids.
In July we celebrated Evan’s 2nd birthday again by putting together some care packages and delivering them to Children’s Hospital. It felt good to put them together once again, and after doing it the last two years I am certain we will continue this tradition. We didn’t get to visit with the staff of the CICU, because most of the nurses we knew are now gone. The doctors are still the same, but they just aren’t there as much. Instead of having a big lunch right afterward, we decided to hold our annual cabin party that weekend and we headed on over to Ligonier right from Children’s Hospital. We got there to see my grandparents (Cara’s great grandparents) and our good friend Fink with his son, Wyatt. We ate birthday cake and sang happy birthday to Evan in heaven, and then we had a great time with our friends as they filtered in throughout the weekend.
In August we took a vacation to Conneaut Lake with our friends, the Ginsburgs. We figured a vacation an hour and a half away from home was a perfect first vacation for Cara, and we had a great time. It was nice to get away, eat lots of Hank’s Frozen Custard, and spend a week with some of our best friends. Cara did very well too and actually started laughing that week for the first time! Another treasure we will always remember.
On October 11, we once again took to the streets of Pittsburgh in honor of our little boy. Evan's Warriors raised just over $8,000 and once again was awarded top friends and family team! This time his little sister also got to particpate in the walk and she was awarded one of Pittsburgh's top walkers. We just love helping others in honor of Evan! So thank you again to all who participated!!!
In December I took a job (that began this past week) with my old church as a part time bookkeeper. We really needed the extra money, and I can bring Cara to work with me. So far it’s going really well and I hope that it continues to do so.
Also in December, Cara turned 7 months old. I didn’t think that would affect me as much as it did. It’s not so much that I thought she would die, but now she is older than Evan ever was. And though he is 2 ½ in heaven, he is forever 5-7 months old in my mind. It’s just hard to see his little siblings grow older than I ever saw him. I am so thankful that Cara is healthy and growing so well…it’s just one of those difficult things to process.
We also remembered December 20 when it rolled around. Evan’s admittance to the hospital 2 years ago. It was hard to process that day. Dec/Jan/Feb are just very difficult months. Thankfully we have Cara to help us smile through our sadness.
So here we are, in 2009. In one month we will go to Trinity to see our Evan once again. Two whole years have gone by since we held him in our arms. I miss him so much, and to this day I think about him several times a day and still kiss his picture in the morning. I look forward to that time when I can hold him again. Til then I just hope I can have frequent dreams about him….
We hope that everyone has a happy and healthy ’09. And we continue to thank those who think about our son and our family of 4 regularly. We may not always be the best at keeping in touch anymore (with a baby it’s near impossible to keep up with it!), but we think of you often and hold you close to our hearts. Happy New Year everyone!
