You know, it's been a good couple of days.  Sunday we had a really nice early dinner with some friends we haven't seen in a long time, and it was nice to catch up with them.  After dinner we headed to Clarion to the worldwide candle lighting ceremony for parents like us.  I saw an old customer of mine from when I worked in Clarion and was saddened that she had endured the pain of losing a child.  But the ceremony was beautiful.  It was held at a church and all of our angels names were read as we lit their candles.  They even had 3 teenages in the church nursery so we put Cara back there and she did great.  We needed the time to focus on Evan, and I am so thankful that she behaved  (she can be a bit of a momma's girl right now).  We were given a rose after we lit the candle and then afterward there were snacks and cookies to munch on as we all shared stories of our angels.

I really needed that.  It goes without saying that there isn't much time for grief with Care Bear here.  She takes up a lot of my time, attention and energy (and I wouldn't have it any other way!).  So to be able to have an hour to focus on Evan, remembering him and all children who have gone to heaven, was a tremendous blessing.

I dried out some flowers we bought for Evan's funeral, and they are displayed in my dining room.  They didn't turn out very pretty, but I think that's mostly because I waited too long to dry them.  I have decided to only keep the ribbon from that bouquet, and now I will dry out the flower I get from the candle lighting ceremony each year and fill a vase with "remembering flowers" instead of "funeral flowers."

Today we must have gotten 10 Christmas cards in the mail.  And it was so nice to see Evan's name in a few of them.  Last year it was so hard to see the missing name on the cards.  This year I expected it, and was so surprised when the few came in with his name on it.  I actually cried I was so happy.  I love seeing and hearing his name.  After all, he is still my son, even if his home is now in heaven.

I just want to say thank you to my friends and family who continue to speak about my son.  It means the world to me that you remember him and aren't afraid of my reaction.  Believe me, I never get sad hearing his name.  :-)

Have a blessed holiday everyone.